Pondering in Paraguay

Pondering in Paraguay
Questions, Comments, and Connections on my crazy new life abroad

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Paraguayan Ironies

The ironies of Paraguay never cease to bore me. I find it counterintuitive in the belief that drinking milk quickly followed by watermelon will result in nothing less than death. On the other hand, the consumption of red meat three times a day will have no lasting long-term effects. I envision the following scenario. A Paraguayan male drops dead at the early age of sixty five. He lived a happy but unhealthy life, suffering from a poor heart condition as a result of high red meat consumption. On the day of his heart attack, he conincidentally consumed watermelon and milk. From this mere conincidence, the people of Paraguay have infered that the combination of milk and watermelon will cause an acid reaction leading in immediate death.

I also find it odd in a nation plagued with poverty, ninety nine percent of the population has at least one television and any person over the age of eight is well equipped with a cell phone. Furthermore, on rainy days schools throughout the country are closed, because it is deemed unsuitable travel conditions for small children. Ironically, my house is located not far from the local elementary school, and regardless of the magnitude of the rainstorm the children of my neighborhood have little problems getting to my house. They also don´t have any troubles to getting to dance class, or playing soccer. I also can´t help but find the satire in the fact that a nation obsessed with hygiene doesn´t see the value in washing hands. I, as an American, am under constant criticism that I come from a nation which puts little worth in hygiene. The average Paraguayan takes between three to four showers a day depending on the heat. However, there is never any soap in any public restroom, I´ve only ever seen people wash their hands with water, and nobodies ever even heard of antibacterial hand gell even though it´s sold at the pharmacy. Generally speaking, Paraguayans generally have dirty feet, but always clean shoes and fat people tell skinny people that they are overweight. As, you can imagine the list goes on.

Yet, the greatest irony of all, is despite all these annoyances I`ve still somehow come to find a sincere passion for Paraguay, its culture, and its people.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I used to talk about classes at the university, the snow conditions on the mountain, the lastest gossip, celebrity news, obamas latest accomplishments, and so forth, but recently that has been replaced with home-improvement themed converstations. All the schools in Paraguay have been on winter vacation for the past two weeks. Just yesterday that vacation got extended to three weeks because of bad weather headed our way. Therefore with the lack of activities and work to be done in the schools, many volunteers, including myself have turned to projects in the house...or more correctly our houses to be. My conversations now revolve around paint brands and price comparisons for labor.
Me: So, I heard that Opal is significanly better than Cal, but there´s a ninty mill quaranie difference, is it really worth it?
Andy(another volunteer): Oh yeah you don´t want that Cal crap, that´ll flake off by the end of the week. But what I want to know is it really necessary to use fixor before I apply my paint.
Sam: Oh yeah, I definitely would, and then make sure you put two coats of the Opal.
Andy: Yeah for sure, but you know that you should then put a coat of a tar based layer to protect from humidity.
Me: Really? Okay, well I also heard that you should scrape off all the old paint to, to ensure that the fixor sticks.

I have been in the process of painting my house now for three weeks. Everytime someone gets wind of this they asked, well, why on earth is it taking so long? Umm, I´m not sure, maybe because I have to apply a zillion layers, and every other day I´m informed that I need to purchase some other new material. Then there´s always the unforseen obstacles that get in the way. I had officially completed the bedroom and moved onto the kitchen, when disaster struck

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Fuerza Paraguay

I´m anything but I fair-weather fan. My history of sport team selection can attest that I will remain dedicated and optimistic despite the burdens I´m given by my teams. Battle Mountain Huskey Football 2002 to 2005; losses: over five hundred ( I may be rounding) Wins: negligible. Winter nights in Colorado with a biting chill under zero, and yet I, as well as my fellow classmates, showed up to every Friday night game to watch us...well, lose. But I equally contributed to my share of losses as a Battle Mountain representative. I proudly was defeated on the basketball court for two years, and perservered four years on a golf team which was closer acquainted with losing than winning. I therefore made an easy transition into the black and gold of the Colorado Buffalos, after comleting high school. My freshman year, when we started out on a losing streak I was all too familiar with sulking home after a loss. The University of Colorado Boulder is known for a party school, but more accuratly for having a drinking problem. I can directly correlate the high amount of drinking to the amount of games lost. In essence, we drank our pain away. The Denver Broncos hasn´t been the easiest team to root for either. Elway was easy to stand behind; however, Griese, Cutler, and Orton weren´t as easy to support. But year after year I´ve worn my blue and orange and unfailingly filled my wardrobe with Bronco t-shirts, hats, sweaters, and scarves. But I´ve served my time cheering on a losing team, and now it´s my turn to support a winning one.

Was it not destiny that I was sent with Peace Corps to a South American country during a World Cup? There is no time like the present to decide that watching soccer is entertaining, and there is no event like Mundial to decide to be a proud supporter of Paraguay. There is exactly 48 hours until Paraguay will destroy their opponents in order to progress. If we don´t win this match the country will be left in defeat, but if we win...it will be the biggest celebration that I´ve ever witnessed or will witness. After long contemplation I purchased my jersey last Tuesday after we beat Japan with five to four penalty kick completions. The schools didn´t have classes, the buses stopped running, the streets were closed for tailgating, Shakira blasted over the raido station, and the replays from the game were in every street coner and supermarket. This country bleeds red and white, and with them I put my heart and soul on the line to see if I´ve finally chosen a team that wont let me dowm. Fuerza Paraguay!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Novigovio

The classic greeting in Paraguay is "Que Tal?" shortly followed by the simple "What's your name?" Comparatively, they greet people in the same manner that anyone in the States would when first meeting a new person. But, this is where Paraguayans will throw you a curve ball. The next question is inevitably, and proving consistently, "Do you have a boyfriend?" A non-anticipating foreigner like me is prepared for such basic inquiries such as; "Where are you from?", "What do you do?", "Are you the daughter of so-and-so?" or "Where are you visiting from?"...but the boyfriend question seems to be coming out of left field.

I am just as thrown-off by their prying as they are by my response. "No I actually don't have a boyfriend." After the stunned Paraguayan regains him/herself and gives a dramatic pause he/she immediately has a list of twenty questions to further investigate this rare and indeed abnormal situation. The reality of the dating scene in Paraguay is that most women in their mid-twenties have a husband, some kids, a nice farm, preferably a few cows; at the very least a serious boyfriend with marriage in the near future. I tried explaining to a neighbor the other day the concept of "thirty is the new twenty." I can't blame the lack of misunderstanding on my inept Spanish abilities, it was merely too rare of a concept for a Paraguayan woman to understand.

After the twenty questions, I am consoled with the reassurance that I should not worry. This person whom I’m speaking with just happens to know someone, who has a cousin, whose brother is single. Oh, well thanks! Everyone wants to set you up with some one. I imagine it's like being on a dating show. Why don't we just put them all the conveyor belt and move this process along? Because I am in Paraguay, and am determined to have an open mind and meet new people and so forth I often find myself saying, “Sure you can introduce me to your neighbor’s son-in-laws former first grade teacher.”

After a handful of these set up, I begin to better prepare my expectations.

Furniture store lady: My son is just dying to learn English. He is very smart. You know we have a house in Asuncion?

Sam: Well I really should get goi...

Furniture store lady: Why don't you just sit here a minute and I'll go grab him. He stayed home today with the flu…

Sam: Yes, please go get him and no need to worry that he stayed home sick today; yeah this sounds like a great idea. Maybe we could share some terere too.

Son: Hi...blah, blah, blah

Then it dawns on me that this woman has no interest in her son learning English, nor does he. This poor woman is trying to set me up with her high school, acne prone, hormonal teenage son.

Sam: It was so nice to meet you. I'm sure I'll see you around soon. Bye! I really have to run, there's umm… yeah some stuff with that one person that I need to do…

I just didn't have the heart to tell her that I stopped being attracted to pubescent males when I graduated high school five years ago. I do however have a lot of experience in babysitting, if you ever need to go out for the afternoon though and need some extra help. But it's not just the minors that the Paraguayans insist on throwing at me, it's the "seasoned" veterans that get offered up to me as well.

Host dad: Hi Sam! I would like you to meet my single friend. He is a great cook.

Sam: Hi

Host dad: Did I mention that he's single and can cook....and he's only 34?

And will he be celebrating his 34th birthday for the eighth time this year, or for the tenth, because he does not look a day under 44. I understand that Paraguay can age a person, but those wrinkles aren't from sun damage.

Host dad: He can cook you lots of food. You can be really fat.

How did he know that that I've always aspired to be fat and stay in Paraguay FOREVER?

Then there's the sneaky cute, when I think, “Okay this guy has potential.” Then he smiles. Your aunt told me that you were tall, dark and handsome, twenty four, and working as a veterinarian. How did she fail to mention that you're missing his four front teeth? After one two many of these "set-ups" I make a mental list of three “non-negotiables" for future candidates.
1. Must be between the age of 21 and 30
2. Must have a full set of teeth
3. May not have current wife, sancha (lady on the side), baby-mama, or girlfriend

I have unfortunately just eliminated 89.7% of the available men in the Paraguayan dating pool. The other day someone asked me in pure exasperation, "Samantha, really what is your type?" I should have held back, but it just slipped out, “The North American type."

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Technology is killing me

So despite the benefits of having access to the internet, it comes with its disadvantages. I get on Facebook to make a wall post and I'm immediately greeted with numerous photos of closing weekend at Vail, graduation parties, and other outings that I am no longer a part of. I read conversations among others talking about how fun last weekend was, and who did what and who said this to who...among other "chisme" (Spanish for gossip). I then start browsing through old photos on my profile and think how good I looked in my favorite summer dress. If only I had my full wardrobe I'd be so much cuter. If only my legs weren't covered in mosquito bites then I'd be able to wear fun summer clothes.

I then get bored with Facebook and turn to Skype, only to have my sister tell me, "to hang on a second, that the brownies are finished." What I would do for a brownie right! Meanwhile, I'm sneaking Cliff Bars at eleven o'clock at night because dinner consisted of rolls of pig skin....I think I'll pass. She then tells me that she'll have to call me back later because "Grey's Anatomy" is on. Yeah, I should get going too I think, because some dubbed over American film is sure to come on soon. Brad Pitt just isn't as sexy with a mismatched Spanish voice over.

I should be grateful that I even have internet. If nothing else, it reminds me of what I'm missing out on back home.

Friday, May 7, 2010

I'm a what???

I'm an official Peace Corps volunteer. I swore in on the 13th of April 2010. I have gone from a three month trainee to a legit volunteer. To say the least, things are going to be a little different. I am no longer living in a community with ten other volunteers, who speak English and understand my culture. I am now the one and only "Norte", a.k.a Gringo within miles. Luckily, I have a fellow volunteer on the other side of Caazapá which I will be able to meet up with. I also have a Peace Corps issued cell phone now, so at least I'll be able to keep in touch with my Peace Corps friends. I'm in this weird limbo between trainee and volunteer. It's the first time in my life that I don't have a schedule telling me where to be when. Between class and work schedules, doctor and dentist appointments, tee times and lunch outings I pretty much had my day planned out back at home. But now here I am somewhere between nowhere and nowhere without anybody telling me what to do. I don’t know what to do with this new found freedom. On the one hand, it's what us Americans are always in hope of, it's that.... extended vacation, three day weekend, sick day, or mental health day that is taken just for the sake of relaxing. But, how many days of just hanging out can I do before I've had too much? These next couple months of training were designed to be a time for getting to know the community, become familiar with existing commissions, form relationships with neighbors, and visit important infrastructures within the pueblito. I was on my way to accomplish this, when the rain got in my way of perusing such tasks. When it rains you are supposed to sit and wait it out until it's nice enough to continue on with the "get to know the neighborhood berg aid." It rained today, and it's supposed to rain tomorrow, so I'll have a lot of time to sit and reflect....or sleep, eat, and use internet. With that said, I have three months completed and only twenty-four left to go.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Semana Santa

Today marks my second month here; two down and twenty five months left. I find out next Wednesday where I´ll be placed for the next two years. So as you can imagine, I´m excited, but am getting a little anxious about the whole thing. So far, so good. I had a minor breakdown the other day, but luckily pulled it together and am back to living it up in Paraguay. As one of my friends pointed out, it´s okay to have a bad day (even in Parguay). Today starts Semana Santa, which is Paraguay´s tradional celebration of Easter. As of today, all the families will start eating large quantities of Chipa. Chipa is a type of special bread made with eggs, milk, cheese, and to top it off pig fat. And it´s suprising when volunteers gain weight? Good thing Steffanie´s host dad made us a dumb bell out of bamboo and rice bags. If I could fight the freshman fifteen, I can fight the Peace Corps pounds off as well. Although to my advantage all the scales are in kilos, so I really never know how much I really am. The upcoming week is also a time for mourning in Paraguay. On top of eating vast amounts of carbs, you are then required to spend time sitting around because all the bussinesses, schools, and government buildings are closed. However my group of volunteers decided to put an American spin on things and have a ¨Chipa Crawl¨on Friday and go around to all the houses trying different family versions. Well wish me luck on my carb loading expedition.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Some things I´ll Just Never get Used to...

Regardless of the amount of time I´ve now spent here, some things continue to amaze me, including,
*To get a dog to go away you make kissing noises at it. You can imagine how confusing that could be for an American dog. You can also imagine how sad I was when I first made kissing noises at a dog and he ran in the other direction.
*The buses in general are still a mystery to me. For instance, this morning the bus stopped for the stop in front of me and for some friends down the road from me, but didn´t even hesitate to pick me up. You just stand along side the road wherever you may find yourself and wave them down. Sometimes they stop and sometimes they don´t. Personal space on the bus is none existance, and if it weren´t for my ample stash of sand sanitizer I`d probably never ride them.
*The heat...I just had to throw that in for good measure.
*All the stores reuse their glass bottles, so anytime you purchase a drink you must then later return that bottle to the store it came from.
*People greet eachother on the street with "adios". And here I am confused why everyone is saying good bye to me when I never even said hello.

Monday, March 1, 2010

A typical day or an atypical day in Paraguay?

After leaving Naranjasys and experiencing different towns within Paraguay I have been given a more well-rounded perspective of this county. I am currently staying with another volunteer in a rural town outside of Colmena. However, I am now challenged with the question of what should I expect to encounter on my daily life here. How can you differentiate between a typical day and an atypical day in Paraguay? For instance, today I woke up to the noise of a saw from the construction workshop behind the house, spoke on a local radio station, built a fence out of bamboo (to protect the vegetable garden from the sheep), and then walked 3 miles in the heat of the day back to the house. Should I expect this random chain of events to occur again in my future here in South America? I have also met a slew of other volunteers on this trip with interesting stories. They left me wondering the likelihood of these random events occurring in my life, as it did them. Will I be struck by lightning; Will Peace Corps then provide me with Ibuprofen when I tell them of this crazy phenomenon, Will I buy a horse and learn to care for it from a how-to book; Will I then decided to enter that horse in local races and bet money on it; Will I be able to classify twelve different types of mandioca; Will I eat with the Japanese but drink Terere with the Paraguayans; Will I be evacuated from my site because of forecasted flooding? The questions are endless. As of today, I have one month down and twenty-six left. I have sufficient time to define the meaning of "typical," by the Paraguayan standards.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I Learn GUARANI

Due to the fact that I am "spanglish" speaking gringo, I often find myself in comical situations. On one particular afternoon I was sitting around with my host family and visiting relatives.(Everyone in our town is somehow related to one another.) In an attempt to speak Spanish I frequently substitute English words for Spanish words beyond my capaciity. Somehow the subject of tattoos and peircings came up. I asked Walter (who is Oli, my host sister´s, boyfriend)if he had a tattoo. Here is a recollection of the following conversation;

Sam: Tienes (do you have) a tattoo?
Walter: No, but Oli does!
( Meanwhile everyone is dying laughing)
Naturally Stephanie (another volunteer) and I believe that this reaction is the result of an embarrasing and funny tattoo that Oli has.
Stephanie: Oh come on, just let us see it.
(There is more laughing, which confuses both Stephanie and I.)
Oli: Tattoo just so happens to translate into a Quarani word.
Waltur: Yeah it means vagina!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

A Little Time, A Lot To take in

I made it! Well, so far.. . I wish I had some witty and clever things to say, but its hot out and I`m multitasking, which is inhibiting my creativity. I don´t think it´s quite sunk in that I´m here. I was assigned my host family a couple days ago, and got really lucky. Meanwhile other volunteers are eating rice and maybe some bread, I`m chowing down on meat dishes, fresh fruits and salads. The host dad said that Americans are seen eating salads on T.V. and therefore I have been served salads despite the fact that Paraguayans don´t eat them. I don´t want to glorify the situation becuase the house I live in is very modest, but I do have some perks. I have a pool; in the sense that I have a body of water in a cement slab out in the yard. But the water is clean, so I´ve been using it. The sheep also seem to like drinking out of it. I also have a ceiling fan, which is key to my happiness. It´s been HOT to say the least. During the day the water in the pool is too warm to use, but in the late afternoon it is cool enough to play in. There are always people playing in the yard. I´m under the impression that they´re all cousins or aunts or something along those lines. The girls play in the pool, meanwhile all the boys play soccer. Everyone else chills and drinks Terere. It`s kinda the thing to do.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I Haven't Left Yet

I'm Packing my bags and trying to figure out how blogging works.