I went to this movie this evening and it almost hit too close to home. It just makes me acutely aware of how far I am from Paraguay and the relationships that I formed there. The leading actress was a spitting image of Lizzy. Don Clark was right when he said, "It will be surprisingly easy how quickly you will get back into the swing of life in the U.S and how distant Peace Corps will begin to feel." And it's true. He's absolutely right. I got back into my previous lifestyle without hesitation. There was no culture shock. There was no long drawn out process of reacquainting myself with the United States. It was all as simple a plane ride. One night I was eating Pecan pie in a small cafe in Asuncion and the next I was on a fight home. It's funny how little I remember from that flight home, how little importance the actual flight had. However, I remember as it was yesterday sitting in the hotel when I first found out I was coming home. The last night there, and saying good-byes in the airport are frozen into my memory. It's amusing what memories stick with us over time and which ones leave us with little impact. It's ironic the ones that stay and the others which go.
Lizzy once said it was sometimes easier to just separate yourself as much as possible from those things in the U.S and embrace the Paraguayan way of life as to not feel too homesick. But the same philosophy can be applied living here and trying not to miss Peace Corps. When I play Reagaton I sometimes feel myself feeling sad because it reminds me of being there. Or I have this perfume that I bought while I was over there and whenever I wear it I have this vivid sensation of Paraguay. I had only ever used the perfume in Paraguay so when I wear it, it has this weird correlation with that country. And talking to volunteers on skype or looking at their pictures on facebook has the same bitter sweetness to it. The inside jokes and everyday annoyances make me feel as if I never actually left at all.
The only solution to not missing somewhere and missing those relationships while formed there, is not going in the first place. It's hard to miss something you don't know exists. So while it's difficult to have your heart pulled in various directions around the globe, the alternative of not feeling that seems gravely worse.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
2010: Top Ten, Part One
To honor the passing of the year 2010 I was inspired to do a series of Top Ten lists. None of the items in the lists are in particular order, as that would be nearly impossible, and undemocratic. To start on a slighty negative note,
Ten things that I wont miss about Paraguay:
1. Red Dirt. I dust in the morning and by mid afternoon I have a fine layer of dirt on my desk. I use Q-tips to clean out the keys on my computer. . .red dirt. I then get inspired to clean my ears and go through another half dozen Q-tips only to find more. . . red dirt. I think I´m tan. Red dirt. I put my shoes on to go for a run. . . red dirt. I blow my nose. . . red dirt. I wipe my eyes. They burn. Red dirt.
2. Undependable running water. I should be grateful that I have running water at all. There are plenty of people all over the world living without running water. But to sometimes have water and at random moments not, it just seems like a guessing game. Thanks to Murphy´s law, I only don´t have running water when I need it the most. It´s nine thirty at night and I still haven´t showered or eaten dinner yet, and guess what? No water. I had unlimited water all day long and now of all times, NOTHING!
3. Guarani. I have no motivation to learn this language. Although at times I find the grunting, somewhat mummbling nature of the language entertaining, I mostly just find it annoying. Ha, ha that´s so funny I don´t speak Guarani. And yes that is so rare that Samantha is the same in English, Spanish and Guarani. And yes I do know that you are talking about me when I hear Guarani, Guarani, Guarani, Samantha, Guarani, Guarani, Guarani.
4. Being the public library. I probably get asked at least three times a day by three different people if I can lend them something. Lending in this country generally dictates as giving. I have had people ask me to borrow my bike, tweezers, money, nail polish, my blow up pool, spanish-english dictionary, head bands, necklaces, shirts, pants, skirts, shoes, lip gloss, perfume, books, markers, tape, my hose, air pump, computer, internet, golf clubs, tennis balls, candy, toilet paper, photographs, my camera, dvd´s, suitcases, face cream, and medical supplies. NO, NO and NO!!!!
5. The heat. Living in a hundred degree heat is one thing. It´s a whole different situation when you add humidity. And for icing on the cake, there´s no airconditioning. . . anywhere. At home, in the good ´ol USA I´m used to going from my aircondtioned apartment to my airconditioned car to another airconditioned building, whether it be the supermarket or to work. Here I bathe three times a day, try and not be in the sun between the hours of ten and five, and stay as close to a fan as possible, and I still find myself pouring sweat. To say the least, I´m over it.
6. Inappropriate cat calls. I go for a run. I have sweat dripping down my face and my hair is plastered to my forehead. Yet despite this less than attractive display of femininity, a half dozen men still find it necessary to whistle, try speaking in English, profess their undying love, or recite music lyrics. I am not a dog, please save the whistling for lower life forms. I am also not impressed that you can say I love you in English. You have studied this language for three years in high school. I hope you´d be able to say something. Lastly, there is a reason I´m wearing headphones. I have chosen to listen to my music, if I wanted to hear romantic spanish lyrics I would have put them on my Ipod.
7. Garbage. It is a cultural norm to not use garbage cans. It is therefore socially acceptable to throw your trash whenever and wherever you find it appropriate. Unforunately for what some find an appropriate place to dispose of garbage, I do not. At least during the winter the stench doesn´t travel far beacause of the cold, but during summer months, trash in the sun tends to cook, fester, and start to reek. If a bus driver hits a dog, that dog stays along side the road until enough animals, birds, and bugs clean the crime scene. A rotting dog on the road smells for about a week and a half. For an entire cow carcass to disapear it´s closer to a month. Translation. . . for one month of traveling by bus past that particular spot, you can not only see the evidence but are forced to smell it as well.
8. My salary. I am currently living on 300 US dollars a month. I used to make that in a double shift at the Saint Julien. I find myslef eating alot of canned tuna at the end of the month.
9. The bathrooms. I don´t share bathrooms well, however I´m currently sharing my bathroom with two other offices. I miss soft toilet paper. I mise as well use newspaper, cause it´s rather comparable with most T.P brands in Paraguay. I also miss having soap in bathrooms. I have quickly learned to always carry; one toilet paper and two hand sanitizer. I miss heated tiles and soft towels. I miss hairblow dryers and straitening irons.
10. Gossip. Sometimes the rumors that get spread are insulting, other times cruel, but for the most part they´re just funny. I seem to be a hot topic. I constantly get a handleful of people at my door asking if the rumor at hand could possibly be true.
Stranger:I heard your boyfriend is engaged and suppose to get married this weekend, is that true?
Me: No
Stanger 2: Is it true that you are pregnant with triples.
Me: No
Stranger 3: Is it true that before leaving for Peace Corps you were in a secret relationship with Brad Pitt, and that if it weren´t for Angelina he would have married you and you wouldn´t have ever joined Peace Corps and come to live here in Maciel.
Me: Ummmm......yes, uh-huh, yeah, that seems about right.
Ten things that I wont miss about Paraguay:
1. Red Dirt. I dust in the morning and by mid afternoon I have a fine layer of dirt on my desk. I use Q-tips to clean out the keys on my computer. . .red dirt. I then get inspired to clean my ears and go through another half dozen Q-tips only to find more. . . red dirt. I think I´m tan. Red dirt. I put my shoes on to go for a run. . . red dirt. I blow my nose. . . red dirt. I wipe my eyes. They burn. Red dirt.
2. Undependable running water. I should be grateful that I have running water at all. There are plenty of people all over the world living without running water. But to sometimes have water and at random moments not, it just seems like a guessing game. Thanks to Murphy´s law, I only don´t have running water when I need it the most. It´s nine thirty at night and I still haven´t showered or eaten dinner yet, and guess what? No water. I had unlimited water all day long and now of all times, NOTHING!
3. Guarani. I have no motivation to learn this language. Although at times I find the grunting, somewhat mummbling nature of the language entertaining, I mostly just find it annoying. Ha, ha that´s so funny I don´t speak Guarani. And yes that is so rare that Samantha is the same in English, Spanish and Guarani. And yes I do know that you are talking about me when I hear Guarani, Guarani, Guarani, Samantha, Guarani, Guarani, Guarani.
4. Being the public library. I probably get asked at least three times a day by three different people if I can lend them something. Lending in this country generally dictates as giving. I have had people ask me to borrow my bike, tweezers, money, nail polish, my blow up pool, spanish-english dictionary, head bands, necklaces, shirts, pants, skirts, shoes, lip gloss, perfume, books, markers, tape, my hose, air pump, computer, internet, golf clubs, tennis balls, candy, toilet paper, photographs, my camera, dvd´s, suitcases, face cream, and medical supplies. NO, NO and NO!!!!
5. The heat. Living in a hundred degree heat is one thing. It´s a whole different situation when you add humidity. And for icing on the cake, there´s no airconditioning. . . anywhere. At home, in the good ´ol USA I´m used to going from my aircondtioned apartment to my airconditioned car to another airconditioned building, whether it be the supermarket or to work. Here I bathe three times a day, try and not be in the sun between the hours of ten and five, and stay as close to a fan as possible, and I still find myself pouring sweat. To say the least, I´m over it.
6. Inappropriate cat calls. I go for a run. I have sweat dripping down my face and my hair is plastered to my forehead. Yet despite this less than attractive display of femininity, a half dozen men still find it necessary to whistle, try speaking in English, profess their undying love, or recite music lyrics. I am not a dog, please save the whistling for lower life forms. I am also not impressed that you can say I love you in English. You have studied this language for three years in high school. I hope you´d be able to say something. Lastly, there is a reason I´m wearing headphones. I have chosen to listen to my music, if I wanted to hear romantic spanish lyrics I would have put them on my Ipod.
7. Garbage. It is a cultural norm to not use garbage cans. It is therefore socially acceptable to throw your trash whenever and wherever you find it appropriate. Unforunately for what some find an appropriate place to dispose of garbage, I do not. At least during the winter the stench doesn´t travel far beacause of the cold, but during summer months, trash in the sun tends to cook, fester, and start to reek. If a bus driver hits a dog, that dog stays along side the road until enough animals, birds, and bugs clean the crime scene. A rotting dog on the road smells for about a week and a half. For an entire cow carcass to disapear it´s closer to a month. Translation. . . for one month of traveling by bus past that particular spot, you can not only see the evidence but are forced to smell it as well.
8. My salary. I am currently living on 300 US dollars a month. I used to make that in a double shift at the Saint Julien. I find myslef eating alot of canned tuna at the end of the month.
9. The bathrooms. I don´t share bathrooms well, however I´m currently sharing my bathroom with two other offices. I miss soft toilet paper. I mise as well use newspaper, cause it´s rather comparable with most T.P brands in Paraguay. I also miss having soap in bathrooms. I have quickly learned to always carry; one toilet paper and two hand sanitizer. I miss heated tiles and soft towels. I miss hairblow dryers and straitening irons.
10. Gossip. Sometimes the rumors that get spread are insulting, other times cruel, but for the most part they´re just funny. I seem to be a hot topic. I constantly get a handleful of people at my door asking if the rumor at hand could possibly be true.
Stranger:I heard your boyfriend is engaged and suppose to get married this weekend, is that true?
Me: No
Stanger 2: Is it true that you are pregnant with triples.
Me: No
Stranger 3: Is it true that before leaving for Peace Corps you were in a secret relationship with Brad Pitt, and that if it weren´t for Angelina he would have married you and you wouldn´t have ever joined Peace Corps and come to live here in Maciel.
Me: Ummmm......yes, uh-huh, yeah, that seems about right.
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