Pondering in Paraguay

Pondering in Paraguay
Questions, Comments, and Connections on my crazy new life abroad

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Home

I went to this movie this evening and it almost hit too close to home. It just makes me acutely aware of how far I am from Paraguay and the relationships that I formed there. The leading actress was a spitting image of Lizzy. Don Clark was right when he said, "It will be surprisingly easy how quickly you will get back into the swing of life in the U.S and how distant Peace Corps will begin to feel." And it's true. He's absolutely right. I got back into my previous lifestyle without hesitation. There was no culture shock. There was no long drawn out process of reacquainting myself with the United States. It was all as simple a plane ride. One night I was eating Pecan pie in a small cafe in Asuncion and the next I was on a fight home. It's funny how little I remember from that flight home, how little importance the actual flight had. However, I remember as it was yesterday sitting in the hotel when I first found out I was coming home. The last night there, and saying good-byes in the airport are frozen into my memory. It's amusing what memories stick with us over time and which ones leave us with little impact. It's ironic the ones that stay and the others which go.

Lizzy once said it was sometimes easier to just separate yourself as much as possible from those things in the U.S and embrace the Paraguayan way of life as to not feel too homesick. But the same philosophy can be applied living here and trying not to miss Peace Corps. When I play Reagaton I sometimes feel myself feeling sad because it reminds me of being there. Or I have this perfume that I bought while I was over there and whenever I wear it I have this vivid sensation of Paraguay. I had only ever used the perfume in Paraguay so when I wear it, it has this weird correlation with that country. And talking to volunteers on skype or looking at their pictures on facebook has the same bitter sweetness to it. The inside jokes and everyday annoyances make me feel as if I never actually left at all.

The only solution to not missing somewhere and missing those relationships while formed there, is not going in the first place. It's hard to miss something you don't know exists. So while it's difficult to have your heart pulled in various directions around the globe, the alternative of not feeling that seems gravely worse.

1 comment:

  1. i know that feeling. i get it for slovakia to greater and lesser degrees even now. it's been so long and i've grown so much even since that time, yet there are words and smells and feelings that bring me speeding back to slovakia and my time there and the people i love and miss

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